Waiting

8/09/2011 1 Comments

I am the girl in waiting, and frankly it sucks. I know that all writers go through this–waiting for an agent or publisher to represent them–but as the days bleed into each other, and they become stale from the deafening silence, it makes me wonder if I’ll ever get an offer from an agent. But not just any agent, an agent who will love my story and champion it with great enthusiasm.

I don’t know. I mean, will it ever happen? I sometimes wonder if I should rewrite parts of my story, but then I’m told it’s fine and that when an agent/publisher falls in love with the story itself, they’ll have me do rewrites like every writer has to do before their book gets published. But I’m critical about my work, and it’s hard for me to sit on my hands and not mess with it. So I tend to drive myself crazy and hold onto the hope that any second now I’ll hear from an agent who will reprieve me from my madness.

There’s this sweet agent in London who I had sent my query and the first 30 pages of my manuscript to. She had apologized to me that she couldn’t take me on as a client because it wasn’t right for her list. She went on and told me to please not give up, and then she gave me a website to other agents to query. I’ve received similar responses like that from other agents, which I appreciate because I know they’re busy, and to take the time out of their hectic day to do that does mean a lot to me, but even so, I’m still waiting. Their encouragement does help though. And then there’s my wonderful critique partner Valentina who is like my personal cheerleader. She’s great. She loves my story and tells me it’s too good to put aside, that I need to share it with the world.

Not too long ago I was at the grocery store and the cashier had asked me how my book was coming along. I told her it was finished and now I was trying to find an agent for it. A teenage girl who works there asked me what my book was about, and so I told her. Her eyes lit up, and she asked me if she could read it and even offered to pay for it. I was shocked by her enthusiasm, but flattered, and said it hadn’t been published yet. I’d never experienced that before–being in the presence of somebody who was excited about my story–but what a cool feeling that was.

As each day goes by and the seasons change and my life remains the same, I wonder if I’m just kidding myself. Is it just blind ambition? But honestly, I can’t give up because I love my story and the characters too much. I ask myself, what can be the worst thing that can happen? I don’t get an agent for my Beyond the Eyes series, and publish it myself. Or, convert it into a screen play, and try to sell it that way. I do have options, but if I had my choice I’d like to get traditionally published. However, if that doesn’t happen, then I’ll have to go to plan B or C. Either way, it will get published, and hopefully it’ll be a best seller. But for right now I’ll go with plan A. . . .

And so I wait.