Friday, January 27, 2012

Self-Induced Stress

The other day Kevin was talking about self-induced stress, how people, including himself put unnecessary stress upon themselves. Afterwards, when I told him all the things I wanted to accomplish by the middle of March so I could self publish my book, and how much work I still needed to do, he responded with, "It’s not like you’re on a deadline."

Yeah, well, that’s true but. . . .

But nothing.

The stress I’ve been under lately is self-induced. There’s no reason for me to be stressed out. I know that and agree with Kevin. However, I’m still aiming for the month of March because it would be fitting (I think) to publish, 'Beyond the Eyes' then, since the story starts in that month.

I’m going to try really hard though, not to stress myself out. But the thing is, I’m the type of person that when I’m doing a project, I will not rest until it’s completed.

Yeah, I know. That’s just an excuse to support the reason why I'm self-inducing this stress. Basically saying, "I can’t help it that I stress myself out because I’m the type of person who will not rest until I finish a project I’m working on. That’s just how I am." Shrug. Shrug.

I have to change my thinking on that, and get these four words through my thick skull:

THERE. ARE. NO. DEADLINES.

So why stress out about it?

It’s silly, really.

But, oh, what a challenge this is going to be for me.

I can do it. Yes, I can.

Besides, I’ve been having a hard time sleeping because of it. I even drank some brandy the other night, hoping it would help me sleep because usually it does.

But did it help me?

Hell no.

And when I do sleep, I have some weird ass dreams about myself.

Last week I had a dream I was standing in an open parking lot with a crowd of people. The sky was gray and overcast, and I was standing there, watching men in some dark government type uniform herd them away from me to God knows where. I was completely dumbfounded. I finally asked one of the men, why they weren’t taking me as well, and he told me because I was a good person . . . .

Huh?

I know I’m a good person, but I don’t think I’m THAT good. In fact, I think Kevin is a better person than I (he gets so annoyed when I tell him that. LOL).

And then last weekend I had a dream I was in a square empty room. There was a tall guy in a dark gray trench coat leaning against the wall, and he said, "The angels are watching you."

I snorted, "Yeah, the dark angels."

He smiled, amused by my statement and shook his head. Then he said something, but I can’t remember what it was, dang it.

Totally weird though, huh?

I don’t know what that was all about, or why I’m having these dreams. I’m thinking, it has to be the stress I’m causing myself.

Those dreams and not being able to sleep some nights should be an incentive for me to chill out and go with the flow, don’t you think? Otherwise, that pattern is going to continue, and I don’t want that.

So, starting right now, I’m going to make a strong effort to go with the flow and not stress out.

Wish me luck. :)

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