Wandering Thoughts of a Writer: nervous

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Okay, you guys, I’m getting close to publishing Dark Spirits, and I’m starting to get really nervous about it. I don’t have a release date yet because I’m waiting on a few things. I’m also going to have Beckstar Reviews, read it before it gets published and have an internet party, which you’re all invited to. Of course, there will be awesome giveaways. So I’ll letcha know when that takes place. BTW–my Facebook address to my author page is: http://www.Facebook.com/RebekkahFord2012

I’m going to be doing two blog tours for each book (Beyond the Eyes and Dark Spirits). First, the Beyond the Eyes’ tour, and then the Dark Spirits’ tour. After Beyond the Eyes came out, I did a blog tour myself, but honestly I think somebody who coordinates blog tours all the time, will do a much better job than me. So hopefully it’ll go over well.

In Dark Spirits, Paige is learning how to acclimate to her “new” life. She begins to discover powers, she never knew she had. The dark spirits get bolder and confront Paige and Nathan on several occasions. The first group is on the “old one’s” side, but the second group, led by an ancient dark spirit named Volac, is totally against the “old one’s” plans, and they want to destroy Paige. A war is brewing between the two groups, which sets the stage for the third book ‘The Devil’s Third.’ Paige and Nathan are also having problems in their relationship. And then Brayden comes back into town . . . yes, there's a love triangle here. Carrie and Tree play a much bigger role in this book, and in the third one as well.

Here are the two testimonies I received from the authors who read the ARC to Dark Spirits:

“Even more thrilling than the first. This is a captivating series you won’t put down and will leave you hungry for more.”–Felicia Tatum, author of The White Aura

“Paige is a strong courageous character and Dark Spirits will make your heart pound with the emotion and action!”–Julie Huss author of the I Am Just Junco series

So now my nervous self is going to leave you with one word that describes how I’m feeling right now.

“YIKES!”

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My book signing went well. Here’s a picture of the outside of Sweets ‘N Stories, and a picture of my author table advertising my book signing. I forgot to get a picture of myself because I was too busy visiting with people. But truthfully, I hate getting my picture taken.

　
People whom I haven’t seen in years, came by to support me, which was wonderful.

The only thing I would have changed about the book signing experience would be to have asked the people who bought my book, if they wanted me to personalize it. A father bought a book for his daughter, and he told me her name. Sometimes I could be such a dope though, because all I wrote was her name, and then signed it.

So lame.

Why didn’t I write something personal or something else besides: To Gabby, Rebekkah Ford?

The only answer I have for not personalizing my book before signing it is because Anne Rice didn’t personalize her book for me when I went to her book signing, so I didn’t think about it when I was signing my book for people yesterday.

I do feel bad about it.

I mean, really bad.

Heart-crushing bad.

But I can’t dwell on it.

I need to move on.

It’s a learning experience, and now I know what to do when I’m in that situation again.

So I got through the book signing and faced that fear, but now I have another fear I need to face . . .

The fear of being on TV.

I was invited the other day to be on a TV talk show here in North Dakota. We will be filming for their new season on August 28^th.

YIKES!

I can do this.

I want to do it, and I appreciate that the producer is giving me the opportunity to be on his show, to help promote my book.

I had mailed him my book like three weeks ago, and I hadn’t heard from him. I thought maybe he wasn’t interested, but then last Thursday, he contacted me, and invited me on his show. I was surprised by the offer and immediately became nervous. I’m not an articulate speaker, and I tend to say words wrong because my mouth usually moves faster than my brain. But it’s not like I haven’t mentioned that before.

But you know what?

Screw it.

I’m just going to be myself, like I was on the podcast, which was another fear I had to step into and conquer. So I will do the same with being on TV. It’ll be the host and I. I will focus on him and not the cameras. If I say, "Dude or cool" so be it.

I am me.

I will step into the unknown, speak from my heart, and hopefully blow through it with no problems.

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Thursday night I was supposed to be on a podcast, and I’m not going to lie, I was really nervous. Kevin even told me to drink some brandy–just a little bit, to take the edge off. So I did, but then the podcast was rescheduled for Saturday night.

Bummer.

I’m the type of person when something I have to do makes me really nervous or anxious; I want to get it over with, like giving blood: sit in the chair and squeeze my eyes shut until it’s over with, hoping my vein doesn’t roll and it’s not going to hurt.

Now don’t get me wrong. Doing a podcast is nothing like offering a vein and getting your blood sucked out of you. I’m just saying, I was really nervous and would have liked to have had it done right then. But that’s okay, it was no big deal.

Two days later, it’s Saturday night. I looked at the clock and had an hour and half before the podcast. I hopped on Facebook and expressed how nervous I was. My friends answered with kind, supportive words.

The clock was ticking. I had half and hour to go . . .

Am I being dramatic?

Seriously, this is how it went, and I’m taking you on this ride with me.

I grabbed a brandy glass and poured a small amount of brandy in it. I started drinking.

There’s a trick to drinking brandy, by the way. You put some in your mouth, hold the liquid between your tongue and roof of your mouth, then swallow. Eventually, you get so used to it you don’t have to think about how to drink it, but if you swallow wrong, it burns your throat and chest and makes you hack . . .

Yeah, not good.

In case you’re wondering, I’m not much of a drinker, but it is nice to have one once in a while.

Back to what I was talking about.

I finished the brandy ten minutes before the podcast. I looked at the empty glass and wondered out loud if I should have just a little bit more. I felt somewhat relaxed, but not as much as I wanted to. But then Kevin told me, it might not be a good idea because the alcohol in brandy tends to sneak up on you. I listened to him, set the glass down, picked up my notebook and the phone and headed down the basement.

I spoke to the gal who was going to interview me before we started the podcast. She was very nice and easy to talk to. So much so, when the podcast began, I wasn’t as nervous as I thought. Usually, when I’m really nervous, my chest and throat tighten up, and I can barely breathe. I was so scared that was going to happen, but it didn’t.

Was it the brandy that rescued me from having to endure what could have been a half hour of choked, breathless replies? Or was it because Deborah (the interviewer) was so easy and fun to talk to? Or was it both?

I don’t know.

What I do know is, I did enjoy myself, but I stumbled a few times, and I may not have explained some things correctly. I can’t remember though. But like I told you in my last post, my mouth tends to move quicker than my mind, which sometimes causes me to say things wrong.

Does that ever happen to you?

One of the many things I love about writing is you can write things out, reread it, think about it, and delete it if it’s wrong or not how you want to express something. But speaking is a whole different ballpark. I wish I was an articulate speaker, but I’m not.

After the podcast, Deborah told me I did great, and she was excited about it. She asked me how old I was, so I told her. She thought I was 18 . . .

Well, I guess I do talk (here we go with the talking thing again) like a teenager. I guess because I still feel like one, which if I think about it in a positive light, is why I can write young adult books with no problem. I think for as long as I’m alive, I’ll always feel like a teenager, and I don’t see anything wrong with that. Yeah, I’m mature, but I’m also light-hearted and have my silly moments.

Anyway, I should be getting the link to the podcast any time now. When I do, I’ll post it here.

Now, I must return to my second book in the series. I’m rereading it, and then I’m going to do some revisions before sending it to my editor who is waiting for it right now, so I best get busy. :)